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Soul Adventurer
14th May 2013, 05:02 PM
Alan Partridge describes "what happened" when he was held hostage by deranged Leeds stalker Jed Maxwell.

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rhondda rudie
14th May 2013, 08:20 PM
:laff:Alan Partridge is creation of genius.

FATHER TED2
14th May 2013, 09:37 PM
Brilliant I've been listening to the autobiography "I partridge, we need to talk about Alan" read by Steve coogan. It's hilarious!

Soul Adventurer
15th May 2013, 08:03 AM
:laff:Alan Partridge is creation of genius.

Definitely my favourite comedy character.

Brilliant I've been listening to the autobiography "I partridge, we need to talk about Alan" read by Steve coogan. It's hilarious!

Yep, I've got it too. I also have the book version - literally a laugh a minute (or around 30 + seconds, if I'm honest). :haha:

Soul Adventurer
15th May 2013, 05:35 PM
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Soul Adventurer
18th May 2013, 02:16 PM
Yes, Bouncing Back was pulped - but pulping isn't the end of the world. Take 'biscuits' for example: If you pulp a packet of biscuits, you haven't lost biscuits, you’ve gained the base of a cheesecake. Besides that, it was going on to an exciting new life as recycled paper. One particularly unkind reviewer said he “wouldn’t wipe his arse with it.” Well, if he buys his toilet paper from Tescos, he probably has! :-D In that respect, I had the last laugh.

Soul Adventurer
21st May 2013, 08:22 PM
"At the moment the RSPB are non-violent, but what if we kicked it up a notch? Let’s paint a scenario. The last osprey in Britain is killed by a football. The last osprey egg is stolen and scrambled for a Russian oligarch’s breakfast who eats it without one iota of remorse, in his leather jacket. Simply wipes his lips and says “Simples.” And Bill Oddie goes apeshit. Oddie is scything through the crowd like a bearded Catherine wheel."

Soul Adventurer
21st May 2013, 08:31 PM
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Soul Adventurer
22nd May 2013, 08:51 AM
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Soul Adventurer
22nd May 2013, 11:29 AM
"One thing led to another and we'd taken off our Gore-Tex trousers. But not our boots - there was a fair bit of shingle underfoot."

Soul Adventurer
22nd May 2013, 12:24 PM
You threw a monkey in the sea? That's awful! I was fishing for some kind of funny story, that's just upsetting. :grrr:

Justin Bieber doesn't give a monkeys! Teen star abandons young pet | The Sun |Showbiz (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/4937744/justin-bieber-monkey-sent-to-zoo.html)

Soul Adventurer
26th May 2013, 07:48 PM
And tonight's question is 'How often should you wash your towels?'

Retired head teacher Theresa Staples emails us to say: “I’ve cut the frequency of my towel washing by using a simple technique. After my bath, I take an old beach towel and drape it over my favourite armchair. Then I sit in front of the fire with a box of wine and watch Cash In The Attic until I’m sound asleep. By which time I’m usually bone dry."

It sounds like bliss, Theresa - it really does.

Soul Adventurer
27th May 2013, 04:50 PM
Sting has described my broadcasting style as 'conversational', whilst Ross Kemp nailed it when he said it was 'equidistant between chit chat and analysis'.

Soul Adventurer
27th May 2013, 05:32 PM
Whether reporting for radio or TV, in the 90s the country was awash and a-slosh with sporting giants. Never mind interviewing them, it's an honour just to say the names of these sporting greats. I'd often sit at home, saying them out loud, letting their names drench my teeth and gums like a good-quality fluoride mouthwash.

Soul Adventurer
27th May 2013, 05:55 PM
“If you don’t mind me saying, I DO like that outfit; it makes you look like a country gent.”

“No it doesn’t, it makes me look like a writer.”

“Great choice of colours anyway.”

“Thank you, I’ve primarily gone for oxblood and mustard.”

“Sounds like ‘Soup of the Month’!”

“Urgh, not sure I’d be eating THAT! I’d prefer, er… broccoli and stilton.”

Soul Adventurer
28th May 2013, 03:57 AM
My house is brimming with books. I’ve got erm books in the GARAGE, hur hur hur hur! (nervous laugh) :confused:... Er I’ve got in excess of a hundred books in two cardboard boxes.

Soul Adventurer
29th May 2013, 07:34 AM
'I love wordplay.'

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Soul Adventurer
29th May 2013, 06:36 PM
Today we're talking 'Forced Celebrity Breeding'. If you could take two celebrities and force them to mate, which ones would it be and why. On line 1 we've got Duncan from Beccles:

'Pamela Anderson with Stephen Hawking.... and you'd create a beautiful genius'

'Or a disabled lifeguard'

'Um, oh yeah...'

'And I tell you something, Duncan - you couldn't fire them. Not these days.'

Soul Adventurer
30th May 2013, 11:16 AM
Today we're talking 'Forced Celebrity Breeding'. If you could take two celebrities and force them to mate, which ones would it be and why.

Got an email in here sent by Paul from Swaffham. He has Kylie Minogue with David Dickinson to make an 'oompah loompah'. Absolutely - Minogue provides the size, Dickinson has the requisite skin tone and expression.

Soul Adventurer
30th May 2013, 02:09 PM
These people may all look like retired pirates, but in actual fact, they’re former Lord Mayors of Norwich.

Soul Adventurer
31st May 2013, 08:14 PM
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FATHER TED2
31st May 2013, 08:35 PM
The Jonathan Ross Show - Alan Partridge INTERVIEW - YouTube (http://youtu.be/5_MShL_fwR8)

FATHER TED2
31st May 2013, 08:36 PM
Alan Partridge meets The Milky Bar Kid - YouTube (http://youtu.be/Wk-NlvY6O4k)

Soul Adventurer
1st June 2013, 06:30 AM
Alan Partridge meets The Milky Bar Kid - YouTube (http://youtu.be/Wk-NlvY6O4k)

:lol:

"Do you think the Milky Bar Kid is strong and tough enough to change the subject?"

Soul Adventurer
1st June 2013, 12:37 PM
Today the question is 'If you could make one species of animal extinct, which one would it be and how would you do it?' We have a text in sent by Ted from Fakenham that simply says 'Cats. Hammers.'

FATHER TED2
1st June 2013, 12:59 PM
Alan Partridge - Market Stall - YouTube (http://youtu.be/uAkqvReTN1g)

Soul Adventurer
3rd June 2013, 11:43 AM
Alan Partridge - Market Stall - YouTube (http://youtu.be/uAkqvReTN1g)

'Cavalier use of apostrophes'. I thought I was the only one that noticed it in fruit and veg stalls. :lol:

Soul Adventurer
3rd June 2013, 11:47 AM
Chris Beale: Must have been comforting to have your mum reading to you as a child.

AP: Well she did her best. I remember her half hearted attempt at Paddington, she made him sound German. And Rupert. She basically Germanised every bear, which ruined it for me but on the flipside, she did an outstanding Noddy.

Soul Adventurer
3rd June 2013, 06:54 PM
The space I park in used to be for the disabled, but after lengthy discussions, I got them to rub out the wheelchair. A diet rich in Tracker bars and Olivio means that I’m able to lead the kind of physically active life that is simply out of reach for many men of my age, such as Eamonn Holmes.

Soul Adventurer
4th June 2013, 01:04 PM
The more I learn about Hitler the more I dislike him. He was mad! :-x

No Cookies | Herald Sun (http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/world/nazi-dad-dresses-in-full-fascist-uniform-as-he-fights-in-court-to-see-son/story-fni0xs61-1226656991306)

Ya daft racist.

FATHER TED2
7th June 2013, 04:11 AM
I, Partridge We Need To Talk About Alan - YouTube (http://youtu.be/ZNi0DljI-t0)


"I laughed so much, I started to believe in god" Richard dawkins :lol:

Soul Adventurer
7th June 2013, 08:09 AM
I, Partridge We Need To Talk About Alan - YouTube (http://youtu.be/ZNi0DljI-t0)


"I laughed so much, I started to believe in god" Richard dawkins :lol:

That's one of my favourite Alan interviews. He should be interviewed more.

FATHER TED2
7th June 2013, 11:12 AM
One of my favourites from the early days
Alan Partridge 1.5.2.Terry Norton.mp4 - YouTube (http://youtu.be/tFg6fuyPw0I)

Soul Adventurer
8th June 2013, 06:37 PM
One of my favourites from the early days
Alan Partridge 1.5.2.Terry Norton.mp4 - YouTube (http://youtu.be/tFg6fuyPw0I)

The Knowing Me Knowing You radio show has a great similar interview (with Shirley Dee).

Soul Adventurer
8th June 2013, 06:38 PM
You hear of these idiots who burn books. The only book I've ever burnt is the Kama Sutra. I'd started reading it but I thought the women in it were a bit too slutty.

Soul Adventurer
8th June 2013, 06:41 PM
What’s rude about a ‘sac’?

Well it’s a nickname isn’t it for ‘ball-bag’. Here’s Enya with her 'Orinoco Flow'.

Soul Adventurer
12th June 2013, 05:53 PM
AP: I’ve been reading avidly since the age of a half. Of course, they were very rudimentary books. Some didn’t even contain words. They merely squeaked when you squeezed them. They were certainly books, nonetheless. In those books my task might have been to identify and reproduce the sound emitted by farmyard or domestic animals. Eg, cats, which would be…

Martin Bryce: Er, 'Meow?'

AP: Yes, but higher

Martin Bryce: Meoww!

Soul Adventurer
12th June 2013, 07:51 PM
I really enjoyed the book, Alan. It made me cry. My son came in and said, 'Dad, why are you crying?' I said 'It's the book I'm reading, that's making me cry.' He said 'Stop reading the book then!' And I said 'Just 'cos it's making me cry, it's not a bad thing. You can still cry and be happy.' :-D

Soul Adventurer
13th June 2013, 06:19 AM
Ray Woolard: What's you're favourite film?

AP: TIT-anic - I think what James Cameroon did was extraodinary. Normally when I go and see a film, I have to go for a curry straight afterwards; this time I drove straight home. Also, there was nowhere open because the film's three hours' long. :rolleyes: That's another reason why I drove home.

Soul Adventurer
13th June 2013, 11:50 AM
Exclusive Trailer - Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa on MSN Video (http://video.uk.msn.com/watch/video/exclusive-trailer-alan-partridge-alpha-papa/2t5aoa7h?src=FLPl%253aendslate%253atitleBar%255eli nk%253auuids&from=en-GB)

Soul Adventurer
13th June 2013, 02:35 PM
"With things continuing to go well, it seemed only logical (I sound like Spock!) to proceed to the next step."

Soul Adventurer
14th June 2013, 07:19 PM
Guardian: If an election were held tomorrow, how would you vote?

AP: Quickly and Conservatively. I recently read that George Osborne changed his name from Gideon to George because he thought it sounded more prime-ministerial. He was 13 at the time. Now if that's not the kind of guy we want running our country, I don't know what is.

Soul Adventurer
15th June 2013, 02:25 PM
And now here's 'Billie Jean' by Michael Jackson - in happier days before his mauling at the hands of Martin Bashir that led directly to his death ... and to Diana's.

rhondda rudie
15th June 2013, 03:46 PM
Alan- Oh yeah,I like all the bands.I've got a broad taste,you know.From the britpop bands like UB40:laff:,Def Leppard,right through to classic rock like Wings.

Ben (hotel worker)-Who's Wings?

Alan-They're only the band The Beatles could have been.

Ben-I love The Beatles

Alan-So do I.

Ben-What's your favourite Beatles album?

Alan-Tough one.Think I'd have to say Best Of The Beatles.:laff:

Soul Adventurer
15th June 2013, 10:30 PM
Alan- Oh yeah,I like all the bands.I've got a broad taste,you know.From the britpop bands like UB40:laff:,Def Leppard,right through to classic rock like Wings.

Ben (hotel worker)-Who's Wings?

Alan-They're only the band The Beatles could have been.

Ben-I love The Beatles

Alan-So do I.

Ben-What's your favourite Beatles album?

Alan-Tough one.Think I'd have to say Best Of The Beatles.:laff:

That's become my 'in joke' - i.e.:

The Style Council - they're only the band The Jam could have been.

OR:

That was Marillion, or as they're now known - 'Fish'

(Note to self: both jokes only work with people familiar with music from 1982.) :oops:

FATHER TED2
17th June 2013, 03:02 PM
here's one for the guys to cover
Alans ABBA Medley - YouTube (http://youtu.be/D9I1iZN2xQ4)

Soul Adventurer
17th June 2013, 05:19 PM
here's one for the guys to cover
Alans ABBA Medley - YouTube (http://youtu.be/D9I1iZN2xQ4)

'Alec'. :-D

Soul Adventurer
17th June 2013, 05:29 PM
1974 was a crazy, hazy time for Alan Partridge. The Sixties had arrived to East Anglia. I was quite the man about Norwich (sometimes called 'Naughty Norwich).

I enjoyed erotic and informative afternoons with a student whose essays I was writing. I’m happy to recall those eye-opening afternoons with me and Jemima sitting bollock-naked on her bed, me exploring her body with my quivering hands while she coquettishly feigned indifference by reading album sleeves or smoking. Young I may have been but I was confident enough to speak my mind. This strutting, young, cock-certain Alan would often dish out compliments as he perused and felt her body.

“You’re a really busty woman, Jem,” I said once, “One of the bustiest on campus.”

“Thanks,” she said, through her cigarette.

“You’ve got quite a long torso but your legs aren’t in the least bit thick. Believe me, if I didn’t have lectures, I’d love to kiss you from top to bottom and from side to side, also diagonally.”

Things like that.

Soul Adventurer
19th June 2013, 02:21 PM
In the last few years I estimated that I had spent in the region of £54,000 on Toblerone. That's more than most unhappily married men spend on prostitutes in their whole lives. My assistant said that wasting so much money was immoral, especially with so much starvation in places like Africa and parts of Norwich.

Dxc2-y-VJlg

Soul Adventurer
20th June 2013, 06:34 AM
McCombe - let's not bother with first names - was, and I'm sure is, a grade A dumbo. He could afford to lark around in class, so certain was his fate as a manual worker - the kind who'd never have cause to rely on school teachings unless it's for the tie-break round of a pub quiz (where the top prize is some meat).

Soul Adventurer
27th June 2013, 01:37 PM
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Soul Adventurer
27th June 2013, 07:28 PM
Martin Bryce: Where do you like to do your writing? Roald Dahl famously wrote in a converted shed at the bottom of his garden of course.

Alan: Er, I did think about that... but there’s so much stuff piled up in my shed, if I try to open my door, the Black & Decker Workmate WILL fall on me and it WILL kill me.

Soul Adventurer
2nd July 2013, 06:11 PM
Sack Lynn, for being unloyal, disloyal and for being an absolute idiot and joining in fun, in a way that excludes her employer... Lynn can you call Bill Oddie

Soul Adventurer
4th July 2013, 02:06 AM
Perhaps subconciously aware that I'd soon become a disc jockey (DJ), I'd bring albums with me and sit in front of the record player, treating my fellow carousers to the latest cuts. And what cuts! You couldn't pigeon hole me if you tried. The Swingle Sisters, Nana Mouskouri, John Denver. The Seekers, The New Seekers, and then I'd throw them a curve-ball with some Steeleye Span.

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Saad
4th July 2013, 08:40 AM
Alan- Oh yeah,I like all the bands.I've got a broad taste,you know.From the britpop bands like UB40:laff:,Def Leppard,right through to classic reggae like The Dep Band.
Ben (hotel worker)-Who's The Dep Band?

Alan-They're only the band UB40 could have been.

Ben-I love UB40

Alan-So do I.

Ben-What's your favourite UB40 album?

Alan-Tough one.Think I'd have to say Best Of UB40.:laff:


:aagh:

Soul Adventurer
4th July 2013, 08:46 AM
:aagh:

Well done, Saad. That was textbook.

Saad
4th July 2013, 09:18 AM
Well done, Saad. That was textbook.

Is that in 'Partridge' speak?? :ooh:

Soul Adventurer
4th July 2013, 09:27 AM
Is that in 'Partridge' speak?? :ooh:

It's all 'Brand Partridge', as t'were. :smile:

Soul Adventurer
4th July 2013, 09:57 AM
Ray Woolard: What's your favourite film?

Alan: TIT-anic - I thought what James Cameroon did with that film was extraordinary. I went to see that film and, you know, I had to drive straight home. Normally when I go to see a film I'll go have a curry straight afterwards. The film was also three hours' long ... erm, that's another reason why I had to drive home - nowhere was open.

rhondda rudie
4th July 2013, 01:00 PM
Alan zips up his trousers.

"That was classic intercourse".:grin:

Soul Adventurer
5th July 2013, 06:18 AM
Alan zips up his trousers.

"That was classic intercourse".:grin:

"So, thanks!"

Soul Adventurer
5th July 2013, 06:59 AM
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Soul Adventurer
6th July 2013, 12:26 PM
Oh, you combined the card with the handshake.

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Soul Adventurer
6th July 2013, 01:49 PM
Which are the 'less important Bond films', Lynn? I've gotta hear this... :smile:

Soul Adventurer
11th July 2013, 02:40 PM
“You’ve done it! Brilliant pushing,” says the midwife.

She holds the newborn baby aloft, like a captain lifting a fleshy World Cup. And then the child throws back its head and roars the roar of freedom. The noise is relatively nonsensical, but no less intelligent than most babies would produce - in fact probably a bit more switched on than average.

In many ways, the proud wail that burst forth from my lungs was my first broadcast. Delivered to an audience of no more than eight, that still equated to an audience share, in the delivery room at least, of a cool 100%. Not bad, I probably thought. Not bad at all. ;-)

Soul Adventurer
7th August 2013, 02:12 PM
Cineworld: What do you think of the state of the arts in this country at the moment?

Alan: I think it needs a kick up the arm, to be absolutely honest with you. We used to be a nation of Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Constable and Essex (David).

Soul Adventurer
9th September 2013, 05:11 PM
Q: Would you ever consider turning the autobiography into a biopic? Who would play you?

Alan: Morgan Freeman. Or ITV man John Stapleton. He's not known as an actor – but he will be. I've seen him act out domestic arguments and exchanges with shopkeepers and I've seen enough to know he will become one of our best-loved actors. He has bags of talent.

Soul Adventurer
20th September 2013, 03:48 PM
Twat! That was liquid air-bass! :lol:

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Soul Adventurer
21st September 2013, 08:36 AM
I'm going nowhere, Lynn... quite literally, I'm on a loop. :banghead: :-?

Actually I do like this - textbook disco. :-D

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Soul Adventurer
1st October 2013, 07:58 PM
http://img593.imageshack.us/img593/558/wgt6.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/593/wgt6.jpg/)

When I sat down to watch the first episode of Alan Partridge: Mid Morning Matters, I fixed my eyes on Coogan and prepared for the inevitable burst of coffee onto my keyboard. Any doubts as to Coogan’s ability to still inhabit the role were dispelled with the opening phoner about condiments. “Gravy,” said the caller, “that’s not a condiment, it’s a hot sauce,” came the reply. ‘Brilliant,’ I thought, ”AP’ is back….’

Yet within a minute, I couldn’t focus on Partridge because I was transfixed by the understated physical comedy of Sidekick Simon, played by Tim Key. Simon clearly smokes a lot of weed; he has the ruffled hair, patchy beard and terrible shirt collection of a long-time stoner. It’s possible that his cousin/friend/brother is responsible for producing vast quantities of THC heavy skunk in Norfolk, and it’s nailed on that he is much cleverer than Alan. And Alan can’t handle it.

And the reasons are classic Partridge. Clearly, Simon has never worked in radio. In fact, if he has worked at all I can only imagine it being part time in somewhere like Greggs so he can take advantage of the free cakes at the end of the day. So you can see Alan’s thought process when they met in the pub. ‘This guy is funny in a surreal kind of way, though I’m not sure why, I’ll get him to sit next to me and by laughing at his jokes I’ll look like I’m current. And if I add the odd-one liner at the end, I really will be down with the kids.’ Except, as ever in the world of Norfolk’s premier radio personality, the opposite happens. If you haven’t see the episodes yet, I won’t spoil them, but here’s an early example to get you going…

Sidekick Simon: An Appreciation » Sabotage Times (http://www.sabotagetimes.com/tv-film/sidekick-simon-an-appreciation/)

Soul Adventurer
2nd October 2013, 01:48 AM
I cry all the time. These days, there’s so much to get upset about: an earthquake in China, a school shooting, divisions over Europe in the Conservative Party. Onions always get me, too. Which is a shame because I have a diet that is incredibly rich in onions. I once broke into tears when chopping a pepper, which I thought was odd until I noticed I’d actually cut the tip of my thumb off.

Soul Adventurer
4th October 2013, 06:41 AM
Chris Beale: Literary shorthand, if you will. Dickens was wonderful at that.

Alan: Oh, Dickens!

Chris Beale: Wonderful... Of course, he’d communicate complex characters by giving them such provocative names. One thinks of Pip, Smike, Mrs Cruncher...

Alan: Mr Tickle... Er no, that’s the Mr Men.

Soul Adventurer
5th October 2013, 11:36 AM
'Well I enjoyed The Hobbit more than Riverdance. And I think lots of boys on an island killing a fat boy is better than Gandalph and his long white beard.'

James Nesbitt marriage over: split from wife after he spends two years away filming The Hobbit - 3am & Mirror Online (http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/james-nesbitt-marriage-over-split-2339837)

Soul Adventurer
7th October 2013, 09:13 PM
Tonight we’re Super Talking about evil dogs. We’ve all seen them in those 'undesirable areas'. Donald from Hemsby has e-mailed us to say, ‘dangerous dogs should simply have their teeth replaced with strips of rubber’. I think that’s an excellent idea. I’m going to make him our e-mail of the evening.

100 people are bitten by dogs every WEEK leading to 999 calls for emergency treatment | Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2448397/100-people-bitten-dogs-WEEK-leading-999-calls-emergency-treatment.html)

Soul Adventurer
10th October 2013, 12:55 PM
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Soul Adventurer
12th October 2013, 10:04 AM
It’s been a tough ten years for Muslamic-Christian relations, but for me and Atif it’s never been a problem. The worst that happens is I get slightly overcharged for snacks and gum. And I think that speaks volumes for race relations.

Soul Adventurer
14th October 2013, 08:10 PM
They were using words, ideas and concepts that you simply never heard in Norfolk. Not even in Norwich.

Soul Adventurer
17th October 2013, 08:41 AM
Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

'Mistress Pain' pictured with George Osborne is raided by police on eve book release | Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2457345/Mistress-Pain-pictured-George-Osborne-raided-police-eve-book-release.html)

Soul Adventurer
18th October 2013, 05:14 PM
The Guardian: Who are your literary influences, if any?

AP: A true writer, a good writer, refuses to be influenced by any other writer – it's cheating otherwise. My influences come from elsewhere. I'm inspired by the chord choices of Sting, the camera angles of Scorsese, a dog catching a frisbee, the satisfying gu-dum of a German-built car door shutting, the shimmy of Shakira's sweet ass. I draw on every one of these things when I'm in my study.

Soul Adventurer
23rd October 2013, 07:57 AM
It reads like a 'Who's-Who' of anyone who’s anyone, in the Norfolk area.

BBC News - BBC to reveal a number of missing Doctor Who episodes (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-24448063)

Soul Adventurer
25th October 2013, 01:22 PM
Don't like big feet, reminds me of gammon.

Jobless mother claimed £100,000 in benefits because she's allergic to SHOES | Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2474801/Jobless-mother-claimed-100-000-benefits-shes-allergic-SHOES.html)

Soul Adventurer
25th October 2013, 02:04 PM
I first got wind of Carol’s infidelity when she came home from the gym wearing a pair of black Asics cycling shorts after having gone out wearing blue Adidas ones. Also, the Asics pair were for men.

Suddenly, things that had seemed innocent, the snazzy new hairdo, the packet of condoms in her glovebox, reported sightings of her in nightclubs with a man, started to collect in my craw. What was she up to? I began to keep a diary:

26th October, 1995:
Carol 40% less randy than this time last year. Menopause, or sourcing sex from an alternative supplier?

Soul Adventurer
28th October 2013, 04:18 PM
Programmes about storms? Get a life! :mad:

BBC News - Five storms that shaped history (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-24712601)

Soul Adventurer
28th October 2013, 04:20 PM
I really enjoyed this video, Alan. It made me cry. My son came in and I was crying and he said to me, “Dad, why are you crying?” I said, “It’s the video I’m watching. It’s making me cry.” So he said, “Stop watching the video, then!” And I said, “Just cos it’s making me cry doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.” “You know, you can still cry and be happy.” :-D

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Soul Adventurer
29th October 2013, 12:33 PM
Error two: Frankenstein is a zombie, right. He’s a type of zombie. It’s like people who say Tannoy when they mean public address system. Tannoy is a brand name. Why are you all starring at me? I’m not having a go at anyone, I’m having a pop at the undead. Do you see any upset zombies around?

Just the one.

This country! :x

BBC News - Zombie faces: Why are we afraid of them? (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-24711244)

Soul Adventurer
1st November 2013, 12:24 PM
Coffee machines are the future, Lynn. Kettles are saaaad.

China is spying on you through your KETTLE: Bugs that scan wi-fi devices found in imported kitchen gadgets | Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2480900/China-spying-KETTLE-Bugs-scan-wi-fi-devices-imported-kitchen-gadgets.html)

Soul Adventurer
5th November 2013, 12:10 PM
I have to say - Toblerone addiction is never going to be as destructive as drug addiction.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford: 'I Am Not A Crack Addict' (http://news.sky.com/story/1163480/toronto-mayor-rob-ford-i-am-not-a-crack-addict)

Soul Adventurer
5th November 2013, 12:18 PM
And then one day along came On the Hour.
All of a sudden, Alan Gordon Partridge was box office (in Norwich).

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Soul Adventurer
6th November 2013, 07:15 PM
Swedes don’t have a bad life when you think about it. They get up in the morning, have a bowl of swede, hop in the Volvo, whack on a bit of Abba, and zip over to Ikea.

BBC News - Swedish songwriter shares secrets to perfect pop (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24774810)

Soul Adventurer
8th November 2013, 05:22 PM
Dan’s a fantastic man! He really is.

BBC News - BBC rapped over Dan Snow documentary (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-24849738)

Soul Adventurer
8th November 2013, 06:09 PM
I was struck off jury service; they wanted an ethnic balance and I was the FALL GUY.

Soul Adventurer
8th November 2013, 07:14 PM
Ray Woolard: What's you're favourite film?

AP: TIT-anic - I think what James Cameroon did was extraodinary. Normally when I go and see a film, I have to go for a curry straight afterwards; this time I drove straight home. Also, there was nowhere open because the film's three hours' long. That's another reason why I drove home. :-?

Soul Adventurer
14th November 2013, 12:33 PM
Which living person do you despise the most – and why?
I sometimes worry that growing older has mellowed my hatred of things, and with it my passion, my sharpness. But then a youth TV presenter says ‘could of’ instead of ‘could have’ and there I am, throwing food at the set.

Soul Adventurer
14th November 2013, 04:34 PM
You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth.

Russell Brand calls David Cameron a 'filthy, dirty, posh w***er' - News - Comedy - The Independent (http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/comedy/news/russell-brand-calls-david-cameron-a-filthy-dirty-posh-wer-8939040.html)

Soul Adventurer
15th November 2013, 08:08 PM
It's basically sex music.

Lily Allen pokes fun at Robin Thicke in promo for Hard Out Here | Mail Online (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2503807/Lily-Allen-pokes-fun-Robin-Thicke-promo-Hard-Out-Here.html)

Soul Adventurer
17th November 2013, 09:25 AM
The word “great” has lost a lot of its meaning over the years, which I think is rather sad. We use it to describe anything from a bowl of Frosties to the town of Yarmouth.

Soul Adventurer
17th November 2013, 09:44 AM
' I believe you're quite keen on the Bible?'

'Harry Potter and yoga are evil', says Catholic Church exorcist - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/harry-potter/8915691/Harry-Potter-and-yoga-are-evil-says-Catholic-Church-exorcist.html)

Soul Adventurer
21st November 2013, 07:13 AM
:-D

xJedaUKHebs

Soul Adventurer
21st November 2013, 06:01 PM
If I was going on a man's radio show to accuse one of his ancestors of having a sex disease, I'd wanna be more than 'pretty sure', I'd want to be the next one up - which presumably is 'uber sure'. :mad:

Soul Adventurer
21st November 2013, 06:05 PM
It’s amazing, we both like The Daily Mail, we both drive Lexi (plural)... and we both drink Director's Bitter. It’s like The X-Files, but a pleasant X-Files.

'The Lex-Files'

God that’s good. Can I shake your hand again?

:laff: