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View Full Version : A girly giggle for you ladies..


San Diego
25th June 2010, 04:59 PM
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls weekend getaway trip - shopping, casinos, massages, facials.

Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going. Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.

"Wow, how long you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night........... Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said 'Guess who'?"

I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and lead me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over............ On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes!


He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want."


.......So here I am!



And the moral of the story is….don’t “tell” your wife she “can’t” do something, you will just be challenging her to show you that she can!

~Shaz~ (aka DubGal)
25th June 2010, 05:09 PM
yeah baby!!!

JB40
25th June 2010, 05:16 PM
I wouldn't dream of telling my wife anything. Nor her me.

We do occasionally discuss things to try and work out what to do.

So the 'joke' doesn't work for me.

San Diego
25th June 2010, 05:19 PM
oh for Gawd's sake, who swiped your funny bone this morning?

ANiMALicious
25th June 2010, 06:29 PM
Me... i thought it was a drumstick :( when i found out it wasnt, i gave it to the dog ;)

Ani

JB40
25th June 2010, 07:32 PM
Jokes too flabby to hit the funny bone.
Somehow i expected something a bit SHARPER from you Fiona.

next time you want to tell a joke. . . . . . .


. . . . .try and make it funny.

San Diego
25th June 2010, 07:35 PM
you know, I was filled with lightness and joy this morning, and now you've pee'd all over my parade.......

JB40
25th June 2010, 07:36 PM
If THAT joke was the total sum of your 'parade' then I'm doing you a favor.

San Diego
25th June 2010, 07:54 PM
Fark off!!! You put one up if you think you're better.

JB40
25th June 2010, 07:57 PM
OK how about this one ??


Why does Fiona have teeny tiny feet ??????


So she can get closer to the kitchen sink !!!!!!





See. Same genre, just slightly funnier.

Tik
25th June 2010, 08:00 PM
Foof that was shit.........Jim,that joke is older than god`s dog

JB40
25th June 2010, 08:01 PM
you're right Tik.

But it was still funnier than Fi's.

San Diego
25th June 2010, 08:01 PM
JB knows gods dog, that's how old he is.

Tik
25th June 2010, 08:01 PM
you're right Tik.

But it was still funnier than Fi's.


licking piss off nettles is funnier than Fi`s

JB40
25th June 2010, 08:04 PM
licking piss off nettles is funnier than Fi`s




My point exactly

JB40
25th June 2010, 08:05 PM
JB knows gods dog, that's how old he is.



Even THAT was funnier than your joke Fi.

San Diego
25th June 2010, 08:05 PM
OK how about this one ??


Why does Fiona have teeny tiny feet ??????


So she can get closer to the kitchen sink !!!!!!





See. Same genre, just slightly funnier.

There is a reason it's directed at women, we see humor in it, whereas you find it denigrating. So, go get your pinny on and be a good little houseboy and get back to the hoovering.

rhondda rudie
25th June 2010, 08:08 PM
Old Michael Jackson joke.What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag..........One's white,plastic and dangerous to children,the other one's used to carry shopping.

JB40
25th June 2010, 08:14 PM
Old Michael Jackson joke.What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag..........One's white,plastic and dangerous to children,the other one's used to carry shopping.



Now that Tom, is GENIUS.

kate13
26th June 2010, 12:19 AM
Fi :laff: don't know why the fella's are complaining it's only for a weekend he'll still be alive when you get back.

Lilia Urrutia
28th June 2010, 11:03 PM
good one Fi.

PIXI
28th June 2010, 11:07 PM
and funny if you ask me...apart from having to change the sheets when she gets home.

kate13
29th June 2010, 12:21 AM
and funny if you ask me...apart from having to change the sheets when she gets home.

Fi's not daft :wink: she stuck a tube in it before she left and taped it up well.

dutchy
29th June 2010, 01:39 AM
It's hilarious hahahahahahahahahaha
I need oxygen now
Au my belly hurts from laughing

DreamBig
29th June 2010, 11:38 AM
erm, all jokes were funny. Fi, yours was a little too predictable. JB, yours was far too old

JB40
29th June 2010, 12:58 PM
Fi's joke was only funny if you subscribe to the same old tired cliche's and lazy thinking that some people mistake for real life. maybe those old cliches are reassuring to some. I know some women who have even picked bad partners because it confirms their prejudices.

For a joke to work there has to be an element of surprise in the punch-line. I predicted the end of Fi's joke after reading the first couple of lines. That's another reason it wasn't funny.

To claim that it is something women will recognize as some kind of truth and therefore find the joke funnier than men is also nonsense.A funny joke is a funny joke, even if the subject matter is 'controversial'. I've laughed at many racist jokes because I found them funny. Even [usually] the most outrageous ones.

I was using my joke ironically, in an attempt to show how boring those old cliches are. Although maybe some find it reassuring. It reinforces their blinkered view of the world. But relationships have moved on from that. When most men [in my experience] tell those kind of jokes, they are usually being ironic. They tell those jokes knowing that they are unreal, it's a fantasy of the past where women do what they are told and men rule the roost. The added level of irony is that reality is nothing like that, most couples I know the women are equally strong characters as the men.

There was a banal, womens glossy mag, lipstick feminism to Fi's joke. If women find themselves living with a father-figure who likes to lay down the law, then they picked the wrong partner.

As I have already said, I enjoy a good racist joke. But not if it is told by someone who is racist and wants to reinforce their racism with the joke.


Apart from that. . . . . . . . . . . it was only a joke.

Tik
29th June 2010, 01:01 PM
Fi's joke was only funny if you subscribe to the same old tired cliche's and lazy thinking that some people mistake for real life. maybe those old cliches are reassuring to some. I know some women who have even picked bad partners because it confirms their prejudices.

For a joke to work there has to be an element of surprise in the punch-line. I predicted the end of Fi's joke after reading the first couple of lines. That's another reason it wasn't funny.

To claim that it is something women will recognize as some kind of truth and therefore find the joke funnier than men is also nonsense.A funny joke is a funny joke, even if the subject matter is 'controversial'. I've laughed at many racist jokes because I found them funny. Even [usually] the most outrageous ones.

I was using my joke ironically, in an attempt to show how boring those old cliches are. Although maybe some find it reassuring. It reinforces their blinkered view of the world. But relationships have moved on from that. When most men [in my experience] tell those kind of jokes, they are usually being ironic. They tell those jokes knowing that they are unreal, it's a fantasy of the past where women do what they are told and men rule the roost. The added level of irony is that reality is nothing like that, most couples I know the women are equally strong characters as the men.

There was a banal, womens glossy mag, lipstick feminism to Fi's joke. If women find themselves living with a father-figure who likes to lay down the law, then they picked the wrong partner.

As I have already said, I enjoy a good racist joke. But not if it is told by someone who is racist and wants to reinforce their racism with the joke.


Apart from that. . . . . . . . . . . it was only a joke.


kin ell Jim.....

Starshine007
29th June 2010, 01:03 PM
kin ell Jim.....

What he said.... :wink:

It's too humid to do anything but attempt to chill, angst is not on my agenda today.

San Diego
29th June 2010, 01:04 PM
Oy.. :roll:

Yes Jimmy, we get it, you're a liberated man!

~Shaz~ (aka DubGal)
29th June 2010, 01:07 PM
whats it say? i gave up after a few lines :aagh:

San Diego
29th June 2010, 01:11 PM
It said:

Blah blah blah, blah, blah not funny. Blah blah, blah blaaa bla blahh not funny, blah bla. Blah, blah not funny blah blah blah, blah blah blaaaaah whine, whine.... fkn whine blah blah!

Don't quote me, I may have missed a blah blah or two. But the whining part is verbatim!

~Shaz~ (aka DubGal)
29th June 2010, 01:12 PM
Jeeeeez...when did Jim get so old? :shock:

San Diego
29th June 2010, 01:15 PM
Pfffttt... he's just got his panties in a wad because he got the new Hoover Catalog and Mrs. Jb told him, to just make do with the old one :roll:

He'll get over it by the time he's done dusting.

rhondda rudie
29th June 2010, 01:16 PM
Alright then,test case,is this a racist joke.....A young black man dies and arrives at the pearly gates.St.Peter asks his name and says "You've led a good life and will be coming in but we're so busy today that we're only letting in heroes at the moment so you'll have to wait here at the gates for a while".The young man protests that he is a hero."What have you done that's heroic? asked St.Peter.The young man tells him that he married the daughter of the Grand Wizard of the Missisippi branch of the Ku Klux Klan.St Peter said "Well,there's nothing in your file about that,when did this happen" and the young man shook his head sadly and said "about 10 seconds ago".:grin:

Starshine007
29th June 2010, 01:23 PM
Tin hat and flak jacket at the ready for you Tom :lol:

rhondda rudie
29th June 2010, 01:29 PM
Tin hat and flak jacket at the ready for you Tom :lol:

I must admit I liked the joke when I heard it Michele but the reason I posted it is that it's the favourite joke of former US Secretary Of State Colin Powell.:grin:

JB40
29th June 2010, 01:48 PM
It's a simple equation. If the teller of a racist joke is NOT racist, then the joke can be funny.
If the same joke is told by someone who IS racist then the joke isn't quite so funny.



Likewise with sexist jokes.

nani
29th June 2010, 02:12 PM
It's a simple equation. If the teller of a racist joke is NOT racist, then the joke can be funny.
If the same joke is told by someone who IS racist then the joke isn't quite so funny.

Likewise with sexist jokes.


Likewise with the name calling such as the nickname I had growing up. Said by my brothers, it's a warped term of endearment really. But from anyone else, it could be offensive. So, it depends on what part of the heart you speak from :-)

I tend to like Basil Brush jokes...boom, boom, tish!

San Diego
29th June 2010, 02:15 PM
Following that Logic.... it would appear you think I'm sexist.

rhondda rudie
29th June 2010, 02:22 PM
Name calling where I work can be brutal.To understand this story you need to understand that the word ear is pronounced exactly the same as the word year in a Welsh accent....About 10 years ago the ticket office at Merthyr Tydfil station blew up due to a gas leak.The bloke who worked in the office was quite badly injured and lost part of his right ear.When he returned to work he was known at Dai 18 months (because he only had an ear and a half):grin:

nani
29th June 2010, 02:23 PM
This is funny to me...I know what misogyny means but had never heard the word misandry until today.

nani
29th June 2010, 02:24 PM
OMG, Merthyr Tydfil. Now I'm laughing LOL.

JB40
29th June 2010, 02:38 PM
Following that Logic.... it would appear you think I'm sexist.




I think the jury is still out on that one Fi.

JB40
29th June 2010, 02:40 PM
Anyway the equation only works with funny jokes. Whether sexist or not, it was still a sh*t joke.

San Diego
29th June 2010, 02:46 PM
I think the jury is still out on that one Fi.

Thank you.

nani
29th June 2010, 02:48 PM
I laughed. We still do. At least I put the telly on. Ok ok so he called me a cur of a name at the time but hey, it might've been because the cricket was on.

JB40
29th June 2010, 02:48 PM
Thank you.



No. Thank you!!

Tik
29th June 2010, 04:01 PM
Name calling where I work can be brutal.To understand this story you need to understand that the word ear is pronounced exactly the same as the word year in a Welsh accent....About 10 years ago the ticket office at Merthyr Tydfil station blew up due to a gas leek.The bloke who worked in the office was quite badly injured and lost part of his right ear.When he returned to work he was known at Dai 18 months (because he only had an ear and a half):grin:

was that a deliberate spelling mistake?:laff::laff::laff:

rhondda rudie
29th June 2010, 04:14 PM
was that a deliberate spelling mistake?:laff::laff::laff:

No.:-DFurk off Hawkeye.:-D

JB40
29th June 2010, 04:55 PM
Now that. . . . . .was FUNNY !!!

PIXI
29th June 2010, 08:06 PM
I dont use language like this often but wot you said Jim was utter BOLL**kS

DreamBig
29th June 2010, 08:59 PM
They tell those jokes knowing that they are unreal, it's a fantasy of the past where women do what they are told and men rule the roost.

You mean it's not real? :(

Why did the women get hit by the car?
That's not the point, why the hell was the driver driving in the kitchen?


Just to end the day on a happy note :lol:

kate13
29th June 2010, 10:58 PM
whats it say? i gave up after a few lines :aagh:

It's long winded but the gist is, most men don't want to be tied up and left alone for the weekend.......who'd look after them.

Funny but un-tied, fed & watered and left alone for a weekend most fella's would :grin: from ear to ear..........no wonder we don't understand them.

Starshine007
29th June 2010, 11:12 PM
I'm glad you didn't say ALL men Kathie, we wouldn't want to be tarred and feathered yet again for overgeneralising would we? :wink:

kate13
29th June 2010, 11:31 PM
I'm glad you didn't say ALL men Kathie, we wouldn't want to be tarred and feathered yet again for overgeneralising would we? :wink:

We wouldn't, Would WE. :wink:
We DO understand all men are different when my fella says she's moaning at me, what he's really saying is, he loves me really. :wink: next time i agree with him 100% he needen't looks at me like a scared rabbit caught in headlights :ooh: i've just not to laugh, as MEN are really sensitive creatures...hey i'm getting the hang off this understanding ALL men are different lark.

Starshine007
29th June 2010, 11:32 PM
Well done Kathie, go to the top of the class. Or the foot of our stairs, whichever's nearer :wink:

kate13
29th June 2010, 11:37 PM
Well done Kathie, go to the top of the class. Or the foot of our stairs, whichever's nearer :wink:

I'm on my knee's already.:wink:it's hard work though, all this understanding men lark.

Starshine007
29th June 2010, 11:48 PM
I'm on my knee's already.:wink:it's hard work though, all this understanding men lark.

I gave up before I truly ever started :lol:

kate13
29th June 2010, 11:52 PM
I gave up before I truly ever started :lol:

You wanna get yourself a rabbit.

Starshine007
29th June 2010, 11:58 PM
You wanna get yourself a rabbit.

I don't do pets Kathie :wink: :laff:

kate13
30th June 2010, 12:02 AM
I don't do pets Kathie :wink: :laff:

Neither do I :wink: :laff: that's what i've got a man for.

Starshine007
30th June 2010, 12:06 AM
Neither do I :wink: :laff: that's what i've got a man for.

I think I only found the rejects :lol:

kate13
30th June 2010, 12:20 AM
I think I only found the rejects :lol:

Ah, it would be much easier if they come in the buy one get one free offer lol atleast you'd spot the reject.

Starshine007
30th June 2010, 12:20 AM
Ah, it would be much easier if they come in the buy one get one free offer lol atleast you'd spot the reject.

Yeah and a 50/50 chance of getting one that wasn't a dud is better than my track record :lol:

kate13
30th June 2010, 12:35 AM
Yeah and a 50/50 chance of getting one that wasn't a dud is better than my track record :lol:

you wanna get yourself on a 4x4 relay team, four for the price off one.

Starshine007
30th June 2010, 12:35 AM
Oooh, muscular shoulders. Gimme :grin:

kate13
30th June 2010, 12:43 AM
Oooh, muscular shoulders. Gimme :grin:

6 pack, toned, short shorts and good at getting there leg over.


Hurdles love :laff:

Starshine007
30th June 2010, 12:44 AM
:laff: :laff:

And on that thought, I think it's time for sleep. Nite Kathie.

kate13
30th June 2010, 12:46 AM
:laff: :laff:

And on that thought, I think it's time for sleep. Nite Kathie.

aye and me sweet dreams lol

DreamBig
30th June 2010, 06:35 PM
At this age, women are hard to understand. Absolutely ridiculous creatures they are

San Diego
30th June 2010, 06:37 PM
I know Anant, simply disgusting, aren't they? :shock:

DreamBig
30th June 2010, 06:43 PM
You think I'm joking? It seems like I'm generalising but I've yet to see a female who is an anomaly

rhondda rudie
30th June 2010, 08:14 PM
6 pack, toned, short shorts and good at getting there leg over.


Hurdles love :laff:

Did you call me Kathie.:grin:

DreamBig
30th June 2010, 08:14 PM
Did you call me Kathie.:grin:


No Tom.

Now put that six pack of beer away.

rhondda rudie
30th June 2010, 08:25 PM
No Tom.

Now put that six pack of beer away.

:lol::lol::lol:

DreamBig
30th June 2010, 08:25 PM
Oh god, you're drunk.

well anyway, at least you're a jolly drunk

rhondda rudie
30th June 2010, 08:37 PM
Oh god, you're drunk.

well anyway, at least you're a jolly drunk

I'm stone cold sober (hic):grin:I haven't touched a drop Anant,I'm up at 5am for work.:-D

DreamBig
30th June 2010, 09:11 PM
Oh, poor you. I feel for you. I don't have to be up till 7

kate13
30th June 2010, 11:14 PM
Did you call me Kathie.:grin:

Hello tom :D i did :laff;


anant at our time off life beggers can't afford to be choosers men and women can dream :p

DreamBig
1st July 2010, 10:46 AM
You're not beggars, don't worry. There's still an open market :lol: