View Full Version : QUANTUS AIRLINES

23rd April 2008, 06:47 PM
it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a
high school diploma to fix one.
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our

-After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their
repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and
be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a

S: Took hammer away from midget. :lol: :lol:

23rd April 2008, 06:57 PM

Seen this before........... :?

23rd April 2008, 09:21 PM
:laff: :laff: :laff: Nicking it and sending on to my former co-workers at Boeing... lol

23rd April 2008, 09:40 PM
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and
be serious. :lol: :lol: :lol:

24th April 2008, 09:22 PM
Love it thanx! :lol: