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sweetsensation
9th November 2007, 10:46 PM
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and Most of
the night celebrating St. Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "
You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy."

Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his
face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his
face, "Shoite, Shoite!"

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get
to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the
door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside
and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a
step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

"Bi'Jesus...I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just
a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door
frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls
up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the
bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He
says "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
night?"

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick phoned...You left your wheelchair at the pub."



:laff::laff::laff::laff::laff:

Bytheway2006
9th November 2007, 10:48 PM
LMFAO

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

sweetsensation
9th November 2007, 10:51 PM
Sperm count


An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."


The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office
and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but
nothing.
Then tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then
with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the
teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it
between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied,
"Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

sweetsensation
9th November 2007, 11:00 PM
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and
step
into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not
bothering
to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads
back to
the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns
heading
his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and
freezes
like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how lifelike he
looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he
drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look," says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser."

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure
enough,
he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice
and
three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then
yells...

"Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!"

LOZZA2
9th November 2007, 11:03 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Emma B
9th November 2007, 11:23 PM
hahahahahahaha pmsl at the hand lotion one lol

MAYBETOMORROW
12th November 2007, 04:06 AM
:laff: :laff: :laff:

Emma_2007
12th November 2007, 07:51 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: ...

gaynorubfan05
12th November 2007, 09:17 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Grinner
13th November 2007, 04:13 PM
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and Most of
the night celebrating St. Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "
You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy."

Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his
face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his
face, "Shoite, Shoite!"

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get
to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the
door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside
and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a
step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

"Bi'Jesus...I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just
a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door
frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls
up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the
bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He
says "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
night?"

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick phoned...You left your wheelchair at the pub."



:laff::laff::laff::laff::laff:


hilarious :wink:

Grinner
13th November 2007, 04:15 PM
Sperm count


An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."


The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office
and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but
nothing.
Then tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then
with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the
teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it
between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied,
"Yep, none of us could get the jar open."


:lol: :lol: :lol:

~Shaz~ (aka DubGal)
14th November 2007, 09:57 AM
:laff::laff::laff::laff:

STING
14th November 2007, 09:59 AM
lmbfao @ these :laff::laff::laff::laff::laff: