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Melanie1234
6th May 2006, 04:24 PM
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

Melanie1234
6th May 2006, 04:26 PM
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN.............

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

Eagle
6th May 2006, 04:28 PM
OMG Mel you must be bored - I am very very bored today

Got a chest infection (nice), hubby away (I am on my own) and it is raining and my feet are cold :grin:

Melanie1234
6th May 2006, 04:29 PM
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can
do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Told you I was bored!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

loekie
6th May 2006, 04:29 PM
OMG Mel you must be bored - I am very very bored today

Got a chest infection (nice), hubby away (I am on my own) and it is raining and my feet are cold :grin:

Sorry to hear that. Hope you get well soon.
:friends:

Melanie1234
6th May 2006, 04:42 PM
A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Children were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got
together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that
were funny and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The children were
all aged between 5 and 8 years.

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea
all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of it's head. (Billy
age 8)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with
crabs.(Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.
(William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How
do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always
screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big
sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give
you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they
have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

My mom has fish nets, but doesn't catch any fish (Laura age 5)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy
small. (Kevin age 6)


When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we hid in
the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy friend. It
was fun. (Lauren age 7)




A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen
inside. (Emma age 5)

When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of
sailors. (Valerie age 6)

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go
down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going
very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny.
(Julie age 7

breakfast with ali
6th May 2006, 07:07 PM
:laff: :laff: :laff: :laff:

gaynorubfan05
6th May 2006, 07:30 PM
:laff: :laff: :laff:

MAYBETOMORROW
9th May 2006, 03:23 AM
:grin: :grin: :lol: :lol:

Groovy 40
9th May 2006, 03:28 AM
i was bored until i read all them Mel :grin: nice one(s) :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff:

JaxSA
9th May 2006, 10:52 AM
:laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff:

They were exellent Mel, thanks for sharing them hun
:grin:

star
9th May 2006, 10:59 AM
:laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: :laff: